What makes a person great? I've been pondering this for the last couple days as I've been increasingly aware of how much of a slacker I am. When it comes to schooling, I've never been the best student, even though I would say that I have a pretty good brain, and can be a hard worker. I just am not a great student and sometimes it bugs me. Okay, it really just bugs me when I see one of my older siblings do the same thing better, and make it look like it's not hard.
I'm just going to put this out there, but I think it is hard to be going to school full-time, working part-time, volunteering part-time, and having a social life. The sad thing, is I know people for whom this isn't hard. Or, if it is, don't admit it and act like it's a piece of triple chocolate fudge cake.
When I think of the potential I have, I'm overwhelmed with thanksgiving and a little bit of regret. Why have I not been able to take advantage of my potential? And why was so much potential given to me, of all people? Sometimes I think I would have preferred to have been born with less smarts, that way I'd have less responsibility, but then I think of what I've been able to experience, those moments of pure inspiration or real intellectual stretching and I don't want that at all. I want to know everything, I just don't have the habits to get me there. Bleh. Habits. Habits determine the person, and sadly, they make me only 50% of what I could be.
This can change. I want it to. And heck, it's a new year, right? I want to have self-control like my brother's, just not quite as extreme I guess. If that's even possible. If it is, then I'm going to obtain it, I just have to think of it as a competition. A competition against the world. This is my new years' resolution.
I know what you mean. Although, with me... I don't feel very motivated to do things. I do them just because I know I need to, but I just want to get the hard stuff over with, yet more hard things seem to come.
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