A Spoonful of Cool...Whip

Okay, you caught me. This blog post isn't about cool whip. Even though that stuff is pret-ty good. I'm here today, folks, to discuss "cool" and how that is one adjective that will never describe me against all my efforts. I think the only thing I've ever really wanted since I was young was to be cool, but it used to be disguised by other words like "popular" or "well-liked" or "pretty". Nowadays I know what cool is and it has nothing to do with how many people know you. It has some what to do with how you look, but it's not really what you're wearing, or how you did your hair, but more how you dress yourself and how you hold yourself.

I know a few people that are really cool. Oh, how I wish I could just emulate them in every way so I could be cool too, but that's not how it works either. If you're anything but yourself, you're not cool. This is probably the hardest for me, because I like to imitate people. Some might call me a parrot. I didn't really think this was a problem until one day in my 10th grade English class, I said "Snap!" right in front of my teacher and she asked me, her words dripping with disdain, "Who are you?? That's so Raven?" I was called out by my English teacher for having quoted a Disney channel character. Caught red-handed too.

So what to do? I think cool is very close to self-actualized. Not all people that are self-actualized are cool, but you're more likely to be cool if you are self-actualized. Is it sad that I came up with the term "self-actualized" from reading the Princess Diaries series? Yeah, me neither. Find truth where it is to be found, right? I definitely am on the road to self-realization, don't know if I reached it yet. And despite popular belief the right answer is not to become a hipster. Hipsters are cool, if they're real, but somehow, I just can't imagine myself being a hipster. I guess I should keep my options open though.

Admit it! You want to be cool too! So tell me: who is your cool mentor? Who do you look to in moments of despair? And if you're already cool, how did you get to that point?

As I learned from Tristan & Yseult: "If you're already [cool], more [cool] just seems to come your way." This may or may not be a correct quotation. Peace, people.

A Spoonful of Not Being a Victim

Sooner or later you have to face a rough patch--a trial or a consequence--that you had absolutely no way to prevent or that you in no way caused. My parents got a divorce. My friend Katie got hit by a driver on drugs. Hundreds of thousands of people in Japan had their lives turned upside down by the earthquake and tsunami that hit just two weeks ago. These things happen and you can't do anything to stop them.

Kind of a sad realization, isn't it? Yes and no. I think it is sad, and we must mourn our losses, but we have reason to hope. Things look up, but only if it starts with our attitude. That's why being a victim isn't an option. Yes, legally and technically we can be made victims, but our actions and our attitude can make us more than that. That's what I'm aiming for. Being a victim means you're helpless, there to be acted upon.

That being said, my internship program was cancelled. The Paris Chamber of Commerce wasn't able to place me anywhere. There are a lot of problems with that, having already bought my airfare and having already planned on not working spring, having told everyone that Paris is my destination this summer. So many problems, so many things to be upset with. I wanted to despair, I wanted to cry about it, but I didn't let myself because I knew that the best thing I could do was be hopeful. And you know what? The next day I found out that I could probably get an internship with a different group. A service internship, but an internship nonetheless, and in Paris. It's not finalized yet, but I'm hopeful. I think it will happen for me. And I basically have a place to stay. Which is better than almost anything. Good things happen when you're hopeful, when you refuse to be a victim.

A Spoonful of A Month Left

I have a little more than a month before I leave for New York and then Paris. Cue the sweaty palms and the deep-breathing. I'm sort of freaking out. Where am I going to stay? What am I going to do be doing? What if they can't find an internship for me? Question, question, question, question. *Sigh*. I'm freaking out just a little bit.

The crazy thing is the internship prep class hasn't really helped the anxiety. I found out on Thursday that some of the people in the same program as me have already heard about where they're going to be interning. This doesn't exactly bode well for me.I can't help but thinking that nobody wants me as an intern. Guh. I just have to wait until the 21st. That's the deadline. That's the day of salvation or of death. Sorry for the drama.

On the other hand, school, divine comedy, and tristan & yseult are going wonderfully. I by that I mean they are wreaking havoc on my life as usual. I did manage a 90% on my last midterm which is great considering I studied for it during the BYU vs. UNM game...yeah. I'm going to give the credit for my good grade to Jimmer, because him owning UNM gave me the adrenaline I needed to perform better. Adrenaline helps! Trust me. (But don't wait until the last minute to take a test...or to study for that test. Just don't do it.)

I need help, serious help to get through these next couple weeks standing. Have hope, old heart.

A Spoonful of Role Reversal

How many times are we told to think about others before ourselves? And how often to we make an honest attempt to do it? I hope the answer to both of those questions aren't too different. It's a good habit to be in to think of the needs of others, one that not too many people have. As I work to improve myself and my desires to help others, I have found that sometimes, in order to help other people we need to help ourselves.

I don't mean that in the sense that you have to have everything figured out to help someone else, because you don't. Nobody has it all figured out. Most everybody has a few key things figured out and then they rely on those to get them through. I'm talking about figuring out what we could use help with. Asking ourselves the question, "What could I get/hear/see today that would make me smile and/or make my burden lighter?"

I'm not saying to write a list out every day of the things that you need, but to just be aware of it. I have found that the easiest way to find what I can do for somebody else is to look at my own list. Plus, I have great friends that are always doing things for me. If I know what I need, when they fulfill one of my needs, I can let them know how much I really do appreciate them for providing me with exactly what I needed.

I like doing things for other people, but I also like not having to think to hard about doing service. I think this is one way to circumvent over-thinking. Oh, and sometimes, when you're having a really 'ugh' day, why not try fulfilling some of your own needs. Maybe it's not ideal, but it might help you get to a better place. Scatter sunshine everyone.

A Spoonful of What You Need

Sometimes you need a little bit of this,



And to know that you have a solid sched for New York.

A Spoonful of What the Junk Just Came out of my Mouth?

Ever have one of those days when you're just completely flabbergasted by the things that come out of your mouth? I present to you two instances, both from today. First, it was Fast and Testimony meeting and I was the third up there, which was great because it allows you to still sound relevant even if you repeat exactly what the first few people said. Anyways, I went and gave a solid testimony but I was hecka nervous and after I'd said exactly what I wanted to say I realized I still had to close my testimony but didn't know how. It was at the moment when I believe I reverted back to my 12-year-old self and closed with: "I know the prophet, Gordon B. Hinckley, is a true prophet. And I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen." I walked back to my seat completely oblivious to having said Gordon B. Hinckley. WOW. I mean, I know Gordon B. Hinckley was a prophet, but he passed away in 2008. I also know Thomas S. Monson is  a prophet and more appropriately expresses what I wanted to say. Goodness gracious. 

Example #2. Sunday School. Nate Sharp gave a great lesson on seeking the kingdom of God first. At one point, he asked for things that are great and that we desire but that aren't necessary to our salvation. You know what I said? Baked goods. I have no idea where that came from, or why I said it for that matter. Ha, it was slightly ridiculous because I love to bake and think cookies are always good to have. I even offended Drew who has now promised to make me celestial cookies...I'm anxiously awaiting them. It was fun, but again, I could benefit from a filter on my mouth sometimes. 

Good news from the week: My best friend Camille passed the written section of the Foreign Service Exam which I was fully expecting from her, but it's just an amazing thing in general. I got to see Morgan Mathis, who should never have gone to Idaho in the first place. I also got to see Randi! For like an hour, but it was worth it!

Sundays are never really bad days. It's just goodness, more goodness, and a little bit of greatness hitting you right in the face. I love it. And I love you. :)

A Spoonful of βάρβαρος

βάρβαρος. We are all βάρβαρος. What, you ask, does that mean? Barbarous. We are all barbarous.

I learned in my French 340 class (which I think would be more interesting if Professor Hudson taught it every week) that the Italians thought the French language was barbarous because it had been diluted by Gaulish and Germanic influences. It's kind of funny because when you look at the languages of the world today, French is considered "la plus belle langue du monde" by many. And English, well, it's for barbarians.

This post brings two critical things to mind: Babar & Diablo II. Interesting combination, eh? Well Babar, just sounds like barbarous and it's about an elephant king, I think the relation is obvious. And then Diablo II allows you to play as a Barbarian. Our world is so interrelated!

Econ midterm went decently. And I got to walk with Newman from the parking lot to the MB because we got to school at the exact same time, weird, huh? I'm not complaining, but I don't know if I'm making any ground at all. Ah, well, I'm not worried. I have options.

P.S.: I now have another life-size poster of Jimmer to hang up in my room. Thanks grandma, but I don't really have that much wall space.

A Spoonful of Brightening Somebody's Day

Maybe it's vain of me, but I love baking cookies and giving them to people. I love bringing people joy in the form of deliciously baked cookies. I love the look on someone's face when they say, "These are sooo good." I'm trying to figure out if me liking seeing people smile is because somewhere in my lonely heart it makes me feel more loved and appreciated, or because I genuinely like to make people smile. OR maybe I just do it because I have a subconscious notion that this life is just a competition between me and the next person and me baking delectable cookies and giving them away makes me better than everyone else. Okay, maybe that's a gross exaggeration, but it maybe it's completely true. Who knows?

Anyways, I went 100% for visiting teaching this month, even if I did all of it on the last day of the month. It was not an easy feat. Oh, and some adolescent boys stole my cookies. I'm trying to be angry at them, but it's hard because they were funny and they're teenage boys, what else do you expect? I just hope they enjoyed my delicious, delicious cookies.

WARD TALENT SHOW WAS TONIGHT. It actually went way better than I expected. And it wasn't lame at all like some ward talent shows can be. The judges were all really great, I particularly liked one of them for his/her precise, but well timed comments. I didn't completely suck at guitar or singing and I think I made the right choice to go with the French song, even if it's super emo.

I'm working on the Canyon Crest 5. I'm doing pretty well. Is it sad that the hardest one for me is to be neat? It's hard for someone with a creative and scattered brain like me, okay? There's really no good excuse. I'm just a sad, sad, untidy creature. :( But the rest of the challenge is going great. Just great.